A security guard in a department store observed an unusual figure picking random items throughout the store. He observed the fellow go in the produce department and opened up a bag of carrots and pulled out one single carrot. He placed it in his basket and carried on into the seasonal section and opened up a bag of charcoal removing two rocks. “What on earth is this guy up to?” The guard said himself. 
He continues to follow him through the store where this weird shopper picked up a tie, sunglasses, a broom and a single button. The guard had seen enough so he approached the shopper.
Guard: Sir can you explain to me what is the meaning behind these items you quite purposefully selected?
Shopper: Certainly! The carrot is to hold up the sunglasses on my face, on sunny days. The button replaces the carrot on gloomy days and the coal is just the right size for the sunglasses to fit on my face. Oh.. and the tie matches my hat. As for the broom sir, to sum it all up, is just to show off my swagger.
Guard: I don’t believe your story. Can you accompany me to the security room ?
Shopper: Sir, with all due respect I cannot be here much longer.
Guard: You’ll be here long enough for the police to deal with you.
After the guard escorted the shopper into the security room, he proceeded with his call to the local police about this suspicious shopper loitering in his store. When the police arrived, the guard showed them the items the shopper selected. Befuddled by this, they were stumped, and thought, “what kind of person are we going to be dealing with?”
“He’s right in here officers.” The guard said. Upon opening the door, the bewildering expression, on all of their faces were beyond priceless. All that was left to inspect was a huge puddle of water and a top hat on the floor. The officers were most certainly not assumed.
Guard: Where did he go? He was here!!! I swear he was here!
Officer 1: I think we should bring you to the station for filing a false report.
Officer 2: Turn around! You have the right to remain silent.
Guard: No… No… Wait! Wait!! Nobody could make up a story like that.
G.I.B Spoken                                                                                                                                                        Digital Art – Darren Robertson
